This be life....Introducing mine!
Two jobs, a research position, volunteer hours, and full time college means that I'm going crazy.... often.
There seem to be so many things going on in this part of my life and just when I figure it out something happens and it all get's torn down.
And basically my motivation is a zero... For example, I've had all day to study for my exam tomorrow but I spent it cleaning, worrying about my life choices/plan, and writing this.... all good things... till I get my exam grade.
It just seems like there are a thousand things to do and not enough hours, or there are suddenly enough hours and I don't have the energy to do it.
Yes. I know. It only gets worse. Wait till motherhood....
But until then... I'm a twenty three year old just trying to get by.
I've decided it's time to reboot. I'm going to make a plan. I'm going to stick to it. And I'm going to get going on some goals. Small goals.
This semester I've really let myself go. There were points when I realized that I'd eaten a pop-tart in the last 48 hours, and that I was getting 4-5 hours of sleep. I was running between jobs constantly (I pulled 20 hours of work in a 30 hour period on more than one occasion... in fact I'd pulled 17 in 24 hour work days). My grades were slipping. I had no social life, and getting in the shower was the biggest struggle of my day.
Basically, I'd opened the door and waved depression and anxiety back into my life.
Yup.
I'd have a breakdown, swear I was going to fix it, and then fall right back into the trap. I had no time management. I had no motivation. I had no desire. I had no happiness.
Who are we kidding. There's no had. I'm still this way.
But I finally decided that I could take tiny steps. I got a friend to message me in the mornings to make sure I'd gotten up. I stocked up my fridge. I got a vacuum and cleaned my room. I started caring about school.
And I still found a way to fail.
I'd wake up at 6:30 but then I would still not drag myself out of bed till 8:20 to run to 8:30 class, skipping a shower and food, claiming to do it later and never doing it.
I had him put a block on my phone so I couldn't use it to waste time... so I simply just started staring at the ceiling instead or binging netflix on the tv.
I got new scriptures and set them out so that I would study them daily.
I've done it once.
I got a journal to track how I'm doing.
Yeah... now I've got a blog.
And this isn't in the past! I'm still here! But I'm still determined. Baby steps are still steps. I somehow don't have time to eat but I can read 14 hours in two days, and so I realized it wasn't that I didn't have time. I didn't have priorities. And now I have priorities but no motivation. And so I need to simplify. What can I change? What goals can I set? What can I accomplish each day to make it slightly better than yesterday? How do I become my "best self" that everyone keeps telling me to be?
Well let's find out shall we...
There seem to be so many things going on in this part of my life and just when I figure it out something happens and it all get's torn down.
And basically my motivation is a zero... For example, I've had all day to study for my exam tomorrow but I spent it cleaning, worrying about my life choices/plan, and writing this.... all good things... till I get my exam grade.
It just seems like there are a thousand things to do and not enough hours, or there are suddenly enough hours and I don't have the energy to do it.
Yes. I know. It only gets worse. Wait till motherhood....
But until then... I'm a twenty three year old just trying to get by.
I've decided it's time to reboot. I'm going to make a plan. I'm going to stick to it. And I'm going to get going on some goals. Small goals.
This semester I've really let myself go. There were points when I realized that I'd eaten a pop-tart in the last 48 hours, and that I was getting 4-5 hours of sleep. I was running between jobs constantly (I pulled 20 hours of work in a 30 hour period on more than one occasion... in fact I'd pulled 17 in 24 hour work days). My grades were slipping. I had no social life, and getting in the shower was the biggest struggle of my day.
Basically, I'd opened the door and waved depression and anxiety back into my life.
Yup.
I'd have a breakdown, swear I was going to fix it, and then fall right back into the trap. I had no time management. I had no motivation. I had no desire. I had no happiness.
Who are we kidding. There's no had. I'm still this way.
But I finally decided that I could take tiny steps. I got a friend to message me in the mornings to make sure I'd gotten up. I stocked up my fridge. I got a vacuum and cleaned my room. I started caring about school.
And I still found a way to fail.
I'd wake up at 6:30 but then I would still not drag myself out of bed till 8:20 to run to 8:30 class, skipping a shower and food, claiming to do it later and never doing it.
I had him put a block on my phone so I couldn't use it to waste time... so I simply just started staring at the ceiling instead or binging netflix on the tv.
I got new scriptures and set them out so that I would study them daily.
I've done it once.
I got a journal to track how I'm doing.
Yeah... now I've got a blog.
And this isn't in the past! I'm still here! But I'm still determined. Baby steps are still steps. I somehow don't have time to eat but I can read 14 hours in two days, and so I realized it wasn't that I didn't have time. I didn't have priorities. And now I have priorities but no motivation. And so I need to simplify. What can I change? What goals can I set? What can I accomplish each day to make it slightly better than yesterday? How do I become my "best self" that everyone keeps telling me to be?
Well let's find out shall we...
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